it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
