Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
