so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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