I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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