one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
