Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
