Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
