she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
