Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
