i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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