So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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