Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
