So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
