I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
