So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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