Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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