Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
