Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
