Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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