Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
