I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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