Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
