i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
