apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Randomize
