reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
