how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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