My hand turned me down
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
