well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Found your dick twin last night
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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