Your face is a jimmy john
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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