so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
