how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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