I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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