Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
