If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
