she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
