Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
