The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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