omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
