Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
