belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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