My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
