i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
