You're completely useless in the revolution.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
