miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
