I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
