You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just want to make out with him forever
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
