When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
