I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
