found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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