Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Randomize
