party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
