I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
